My body my soul

My life rollercoaster seems to have picked up downhill speed of late.  Since the rape and murder of Jyoti Singh Pandey, the 23-year-old Delhi gang rape victim I have had increasing flashbacks and sleepless nights recalling my own abuse.  It is something that never leaves you - ever.  

My solace comes from being involved in the organisation of a One Billion Rising event for this year's V-Day - despite a lack of empathy from officialdom.  

It also comes from writing.

Get on with life
© Luisa 2013

Get on with life, no harm done, 

you’re not hurt – it was all in fun. 

Don’t you understand?  My world changed that day.   

You violated me, you took my freedom away. 

Can’t trust, can’t move on, trapped in my nightmare.   

Can’t tell, memory block, don’t cry, don’t share. 

One decade, two, three, four – 

you must’ve forgotten by now, for sure! 

Forgive and forget, just move along.  

I can’t, don’t you see that?  Is that really so wrong? 

Why can’t I be angry?  You put me through hell 

and gave me a future in this meaningless shell  

while you carried on with your life – 

probably even kids and a wife. 

I’ve never felt valued, always second best, 

and everything I did was always a test 

which I failed, time and again.   

Can’t trust, can’t move on, my life dominated by men. 

You violated me, you took my freedom away.   

I’ll never think of bayonets in any other way. 

Why did you think you could do that, what gave you the right 

to treat my body with so much spite? 

Did you think it was just some harmless game?   

You did it yourselves – I’m not to blame. 

I can’t forgive, I can’t forget, 

the more years that pass the harder it gets  

when I know you don’t think of it, never crosses your days, 

yet I live with it … always. 

You five changed my life and not for good.   

Do I want justice?  Oh yes, if only I could. 

Why can’t I be angry?  You took what was mine and left me with tears 

that I’ve been crying for too many years.